"It'll All Come Naturally"

When I was pregnant with my first and slightly terrified at the thought of raising our own little human, I remember hearing a well meant phrase on several occasions, “Don’t worry, it’ll all come naturally.”  

Even though you’ve never had a child in your life and you have absolutely no clue how to be a parent, “it just happens.” Like a magical switch just goes off and BAM, you’ve got it. The second that baby pops out you’re now a mom who’s filled with all sorts of natural mommy-ing wisdom.

Well, I hate to burst that sweet bubble but really it’s not all true.

There are definitely some things that will not come naturally to you as a mom (unless you’re just one of those supernatural moms who I’d love to meet). Here are four.

1. Sleepless Nights

There is literally nothing more unnatural than waking up every hour to two hours for months on end.  I don’t care how many books you read or parenting sites you google, you will never be prepared for the zombie effect that follows sleepless nights. You’ll survive, I promise. But it’s so just so not normal. 

2.  Physical/Emotional Changes 

There’s no doubt about it, having a baby changes your body. I’ve decided it’s all part of that learning-that-you-now-come-second thing that happens when you become a mom. For example, it’s not the best idea in the world to visit a trampoline park 4 months after having your baby and your bladder doesn't quite work the same. I learned that one the hard way, haha.

The tidal waves of emotion that come with pregnancy/mom life can throw you for a loop. If you love the show The Office as much as I do, you might remember a scene where a very pregnant Pam is sitting in front of her computer watching a sappy dog commercial over and over and bawling her eyes out. I’m telling you, it happens, and it’s weird.

3. Seeing Your Own Faults 

Even though it’s actually one of the most natural things about life, seeing your own faults in your child will always feel unnatural.

Thad and I are always trying to pawn off Ellia’s shortcomings on each other, “um pretty sure she got that one from you, babe.” Her willful stubbornness makes me cringe knowing that one’s totally from me, there’s no denying it.

It’s a bizarre but humbling experience that continues through the life of your child; a daily reminder of your own imperfections.

4. Feeling Helpless

I’ll never forget holding Ellia one night as she battled the flu, feeling completely and utterly helpless.  As she whimpered and threw up while her temperature spiked I remember this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach knowing all I could do was hold her and wait for her medicine to kick in. It’s a completely unnatural feeling to see your child in pain, knowing there’s nothing you can do to help.

I can just see your eyes getting bigger as you read this and you’re probably freaking out, especially if you’re pregnant for the first time. But know this. As daunting as those things may seem, none of them will make you a “bad mom.” In fact, they’re each training you to be a stronger mom.

But now let's talk about the amazing things that DO just instinctively come naturally to you. Here are just some of my favorites.

1. Love

There’s no way to express in words the kind of love that completely overwhelms you the moment you see your baby for the first time. It can’t be described and it isn’t fabricated. It’s completely and irreversibly real. And as that baby grows your love for them multiplies. Your frustrations might as well, but that’s another story, haha.

2. Protection

Some people refer to this as the “mama bear” effect.  We’ve all heard the stories about moms lifting burning cars off their babies.  It’s a natural instinct that God instills in each of us to protect our own. You’ll be amazed at how strong of a feeling it can be. When a kid hauls off and hits your child in the face it’ll take everything in you not to football tackle that kid and give him a piece of your mama bear mind (or maybe you actually did, I won't ask).

3. Understanding Their Needs

Before I had Ellia I remember always being so impressed at how moms seem to be able to interpret their baby’s babble. But you see, it comes with the territory. You spend time with your baby and your learn to read them. You learn how to read their body language before they can audibly communicate with you. You learn when to feed them and when they’re tired, when “something’s just not right” and when they just need some attention.

4. Selflessness

This is one of those things that I wouldn’t say comes naturally to any of us as humans, but immediately manifests itself in a whole new way when you become a mom. It’s not easy, it’s not always fun, but it happens and it’s so special. Your baby comes first in so many aspects of your life. It's absolutely the way it should be, and you'll find you wouldn't want it any other way.

As a mom these things will come naturally to us because simply put, they’re part of our make up. Our job as a mom is to recognize and nurture them (It’s when we don’t that we risk becoming a “bad mom” ).

When sleepless nights seem impossible or your stretch marks make angry faces at you in the mirror, the natural love you have for that sweet baby overwhelms it all, making it so doable and even better, so worth it.  

And in those moments when you doubt your “mom skills”, remember this promise from the very One who made you a mom...

“…if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, Who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5)

So the next time someone says “it’ll come naturally,” just smile and nod=)