Two Words Every Parent Should Say
/Guest blog by Amy Dunham
I love chocolate. I specifically enjoy the particular chocolate wrapped in a shiny purple wrapper. Inside is a perfectly bite-sized piece of heaven – dark chocolate. But this is no ordinary chocolate. Underneath the crinkly wrapper is a message intended to inspire and motivate. I recently sat back to enjoy a piece. While the chocolate melted satisfyingly on my tongue, the message inside this particular one nearly made me choke.
“Don’t apologize.”
What?
Now, I understand the intention – to tell the woman on the other end of the chocolate-high that there’s no need to apologize for enjoying the creamy melty goodness stuck on her front teeth.
However, taken at face value, this is really bad advice.
My maternal grandmother, Memaw, has been known to proudly proclaim “I will never say ‘I’m sorry.’” But, boy, should she reconsider her position. She has plenty to apologize for. My mom’s stories of neglect, and physical and emotional abuse at the hands of her mother are tragic. Miraculously she and her two siblings have discovered the ability to forgive their mother.
However, it wasn’t because she asked for it.
Recently my Memaw fell terribly ill and we were all facing the possibility of losing her. My mom took a flight home to see her for, what could have been, the last time. Her secret hope was that Memaw would acknowledge the pain she had inflicted on her children and say two simple words: “I’m sorry.”
Thankfully, my mom is a kind and realistic woman so when Memaw didn’t comply, she was hurt but not devastated. It was par for the course, really. But, oh, what those words could have done for her.
Oh, what those words HAVE done for ME!
The phrase "I'm sorry" is a simple one. Only two little words when separated and left to stand alone have little value. But when connected with sincere intentions and followed by a period, these two words have the power to be earth shattering, life changing, and trajectory altering.
I don’t have the best memory but I can distinctly recall several times my mom apologized to us as children. As a mother of three girls she had plenty of opportunity to mess up. She was great but she wasn’t perfect. Pretty close, though.
As a child, hearing the words “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” come from my Mom was a gift. When my mom apologized I was comforted; I knew that meant I was not expected to be perfect either. When my mom apologized I was empowered to extend forgiveness. When my mom apologized I was enlightened to understand that this is one way humans give each other grace; how they relate, grow, and build community, commonality, and respect.
Now I’m a mom of two. They are still tiny but I have already offered my own fair share of sincere apologies. I’ve apologized for reacting too quickly without all the information. I’ve apologized for losing my patience and my cool. I’ve apologized for being too busy to cuddle or read another story.
I want my children to know that being able to apologize is a sign of humility, a reflection of compassion, a signal of respect, and a necessary skill. So, while I still enjoy those little packages of smooth, sweet, dark chocolate, I prefer to take my advice from my Mom.
Author Amy Dunham is a good friend of mine and the founder of The March House blog where she shares her thoughts and spiritual reflections on motherhood, friendship, marriage and more. Amy is a stay-at-home-mom but prefers the title, President and Chief Officer of Operations and Childhood Development. She makes her home in Bradenton, Florida with her husband, two daughters and quirky schnoodle.
READ MORE HERE: www.themarchhouseblog.com